No More Lies

If you see me cry,
I'm just trying to apologize,
For every single time I told you a lie.

When you asked if I was ok,
And I said yes with a smile on my face,
I said everything was fine,
I lied.

You said I looked upset,
Asked if I was angry,
And I said I was happy,
It was a lie.

Deep down you knew
That I was lying to you.
But please know I only did it in a vain attempt to protect my heart.

I was angry with you,
And I was not ok,
Not because you lied or treated me badly,
But because you made me fall
And want to give you my all
From the very start.

And when I said I didn't care,
That I was happy with you as only my friend,
That you weren't the only one I was seeing,
With every fiber of my being,
I lied.

As I sit here writing and reminiscing our "fling"
Maxwell's playing in the background, singing about pretty wings.
And I can't help but feel this is the end,
That you and I will never be anything more than friends.

But I'm not mad anymore,
You reminded me of the fun life can have in store.
You helped me open up again
And finally let someone in.

There are no more tears,
No more sad thoughts
There are smiles
And fond memories,
And silent thank yous for all you've done for me.

So it's time for you and I to spread our pretty wings
And fulfill our own destinies.
Because I can't look at you and pretend I don't have feelings...
All I ask is that you smile when you think of me.

And I promise I won't tell you another lie,
Which is why it's time for me to say good bye.

Something There

Deep down she knows there's something there.
But that he's just scared.
She knows it could be something real,
But he pulled away when he started to feel.

She's not going to beg,
Or ask him to care
Or force him to admit there's something more there.

But she silently prays
That he'll wake up one day
And open his heart
Like she had from the very start.

The hardest part
Is that she was ready from the start.
She's not going to change,
She'll always be the same.

She's someone he could trust
And not loosing her is a must.

But she won't beg
Or ask him to care,
Or force him to admit there's something there.

He pushed her away when he started to feel
When he realized it all felt too real.
Said she was the one to blame,
That he didn't feel the same.

But deep down she knows he was just scared
Because there was something more there.
That he was scared
To open up again
To let someone new in,
To admit that he actually cared.

But she won't beg
Or ask him to care
Or force him to admit there's something more there.

Untitled

I toss and turn all night filled with fear.
It's become so hard for me to sleep without having you near.
As soon as I feel you close to me,
I breathe a sigh of relief
And sleep comes to me.

All I ever wanted was for you to want me.
But I know that it's just not meant to be.
And now I can't put into words what I feel,
I can't tell what's fake and what's real.

You are sitting no more than two feet away,
And I'm silently praying you ask me to stay.
But I feel alone,
And feel the distance between us has grown.

What hurts even more,
Is that I know deep down in my soul,
That I could make you happy.
That I could be exactly who you are looking for.

I've changed to try and make you happy,
I've lied to you and I've lied to myself.
This isn't who I am,
It's not who I am meant to be.

All I want is for you to open your eyes
See past the lies,
And really look at me.
See that I'd do anything to make you happy.

I know it's not what you want,
So I'm going to take a few more steps back,
Get myself back on track.

I was angry that night,
But only for making me want you.
I didn't want to argue or fight,
So I said I was fine,
When deep down all I wanted to say was I wish you were mine.

I'm not ready to say goodbye,
But I don't know how much longer I will be able to survive.
I can't put how you make me feel into words,
Just know that I could be your girl,
And that if you let me, I'd give you my world.

The Friend Zone

I am the mayor of the friend zone. No, scratch that. I am the President, wait...the QUEEN of the Friend Zone. I have been a resident for most of my life and all of my adult life. Always the friend, never anything more.

I've always been a sporty person, and it used to be a pain. I hated it growing up because I wasn't as girly as everyone else. I would much rather go play outside or play a sport than sit inside and play dress up or dolls with the girls. I was teased for wearing basketball shorts and shirts instead of skirts and dresses. All through high school it was a lot of the same, but it got better. I started to feel comfortable in my own skin...I talked to guys, but was never "that girl." But as stubborn as I am, I couldn't bring myself to change for anyone else, so I stayed true to myself.

Once I got to college I started to appreciate my sporty side more. Most of the guys I met loved that I knew about sports. A lot of them were surprised I knew as much as I did. They would have to double check stats I threw out at them because they didn't believe me and were left with looks of amazement on their faces when they saw I was right. They told me they loved that we could sit and watch a game. I was always known as "one of the guys" and I was perfectly content with that....it was great. I had a great group of friends and life was good, until I fell for one.

I had already gone so deep into the friend zone, that I had no chance of getting out. It has happened to me over and over again. I have tried being that cool girl. The one who's not needy, who his friends like to hang out, but I always end up in the friend zone and stay there. Fortunately, I have made some great friends in the process. I had to go through the pain and heartache first, but ended up with some lasting friendships after.

There are some definite pros and cons to being in the friend zone...and for better or for worse, it has become my home.

Confession #10

I'm a soldier of Love.




Despite the heartbreak and pain...even after I thought I had completely given up on men and love, I'm still here. I'm still fighting to find love, to feel love and to give love.

There have been times where all I wanted to do was give up. Where I lost all faith in love. But like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

"I am love's soldier
I wait for the sound
I know that love will come
I know that love will come
Turn it all around"
-Sade, Soldier of Love

It's Time To...

It's time to make a change,
Time for this life to get rearranged.
I've been standing still for far too long,
Been making excuses about where I belong.

It's time to run,
Time to find my place in the sun.
It's time to move,
Time to get in the groove.

I'm doing this for me,
It's time for me to become the woman I'm meant to be.
I'm gonna shine,
It's my time.

It's time to move.
I've got everything to lose,
But it's time to reach just a little bit further,
Time to take a chance,
And hope it all works out,
Because that's what life is all about.

It's time to make a change,
Time for this life to get rearranged.
Time to move forward
And stop being a coward.

I might not get it right,
I might fail,
But I'm going to keep up the fight,
And follow this trail.

This is my time.
It's time to move.

Confession #8 and #9

I've had my heart broken so many times, I've stopped keeping track.

I've yet to find that real love, and a real legitimate love connection with someone. Either I get in my own way, the timing is all wrong, they are unavailable, or we are just not right for each other (just to name a few reasons).

I've been let down by so many. I've been led on. I've been taken for granted. I have been used. I have been embarrassed. I've felt an incredible connection to someone, just to have them toss me to the side like an old rag.

It used to bring me down, but you can't sit and cry over something you can't change. You can't live a life of regrets, so now I just take them as lessons learned. I try to learn from each one in hopes that I will eventually get it right.


Confession #9: Despite the heartbreak, I believe with every fiber of my being, that there is someone out there for me. I just haven't met him yet.

Every step I have taken, every mistake I've made is taking me closer to him. With each step I take, with each breath I take, we are being brought closer to each other. Each heartbreak is preparing me, testing me so that I will know the real thing when I see it. I have no idea when we will finally meet, or how, but I will never lose my faith in love or in the fact that I do deserve to feel it.

There are so many songs that remind me of this every time I hear them...just to name a few,

"Love Song for No One" - John Mayer
It's hard to pick a favorite line, but if I had to choose:

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song to no one

http://www.lyrics.com/love-song-for-no-one-lyrics-john-mayer.html


Another one of my favorites is Janet Jackson's "Someone to Call My Lover"
Favorite line:

Friends say I'm crazy cause
Easily I fall in love
You gotta do it different (J)
This time

Maybe we'll meet at a bar
He'll drive a funky car
Maybe we'll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He'll tell me I'm the one
And we'll have so much fun
I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe

http://www.lyrics.com/someone-to-call-my-lover-lyrics-janet-jackson.html

I absolutely love both of those songs, but as of right now, Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" is my song

I'm not even going to write my favorite line, because I love the whole song...it's just so me, lol...so here are all the lyrics, followed by the official video =)

http://www.lyrics.com/havent-met-you-yet-lyrics-michael-bubl.html




What it all comes down to is faith in love. Despite the tears and the heartbreak, I believe in love and that there is someone out there for me.

Confession #7

When I fall, I fall hard.


I like to think I have a big heart. I always joke that I have all this extra love to give, but no one to give it to...so when I do find someone, and I fall there's no turning back for me. I am the type of person who will give everything and anything to that person just to see them smile, just to see them happy. I put other's happiness before my own...and all because I want to, it's just the type of person I am.

I love love. I love the idea of being in love...which is so dangerous for me. Because I see beauty and potential in everyone. Part of me wishes I didn't, because it would save me some pain...but I think to finally get what I want, I'm going to have to go through some struggle and heartbreak...it comes with the territory. If you're willing to give someone your heart, you have to also be willing to have it broken.


Current song: Lady Antebellum "Need You Now" I'm loving this song right now!!
My favorite line: "I'd rather hurt, than feeling nothing at all."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB7T3lJ3dZ4

Imagination

There are times when my imagination starts to run free,
And almost gets the best of me.

I start to feel more than I should,
More than I thought I would.
I get confused at what is real,
And don't know how to deal with how I feel.

I imagine how life would be if it was you and me.
And happiness is all I can see.
I imagine you see me as the real thing,
And not just a convenient fling.

I imagine the warmth of your embrace,
And my heart starts to race.
I imagine that when you look at me, you see more than your friend,
That you and I will somehow make it work in the end.

But as soon as I am out of my reverie,
I realize that it was just my imagination trying to get the best of me.
I'm brought back to reality,
But your face is still all I see.

There are times where I hate my wild imagination,
And I try to fight this infatuation,
But it still brings me moments of pure bliss,
And I realize it's something that I would miss.

So for now, I'll let my imagination run free,
And hope that it doesn't get the best of me.

Confession #6

I sometimes let my imagination get the best of me.


Call it the curse of the hopeless romantic, but there are times where my imagination tends to run free, and I get caught up in what could be as opposed to what actually is.

It's a common tale...

Girl meets boy.
Girl falls for boy,
Boy doesn't feel the same way, but somewhere along the line girl gets the idea that he does...

She sees more than is actually there, thinks of a simple gesture as something more. Her imagination runs wild, and she thinks he wants her just as much as she wants him. She imagines what it would be like if they were together, if there was nothing standing in their way. She imagines a future, she imagines him as the real thing and not just a fling.

Then like a flash of lightning, she's suddenly brought back to reality. To an empty feeling, and a sad realization that it was all just her imagination...

Food for thought: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Valentine's Day Confessions

What kind of Hopeless Romantic would I be if I did not take the time to write something about Valentine's Day?

So here is my confession...

I have spent the majority of my Valentine's Days with friends and/or family. I've never had a REAL (romantic) Valentine's Day.

I do not regret the past Valentine's Days, because I believe that the day is over-rated, and the most important idea behind the day is love. The type of love doesn't need to be a romantic love, just an honest love shared between people.

There were times where I let the hype of the day get the best of me. Times where I felt sad and pathetic because I didn't have a date or any one "special" person to spend it with. I was jealous of my friends and the people around me who had dates or boyfriends/girlfriends...the ones who got flowers, chocolates, the whole nine...and for a long time I wanted to be one of them...

I don't know if it's the fact that I've gotten older and maybe a little bit wiser, or if I'm just over the hype. But I don't feel that jealous twinge anymore. I honestly am content to spend February 14 with the people I truly care about...I have my family, friends and sorors, and they make me incandescently happy.

I haven't given up on love, but I believe that we should be celebrating love everyday, not just one day out of the year...And I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day with someone special, but when it is meant to happen, it will.

And here is another confession...

February 14, 2010 was one of the best Valentine's Days I've ever had...it's been a couple of days, and I'm still smiling thinking about it.

Hopelessly Yours,
Valentina

The Ungettable Get

What do you do
When all you seem to want is him,
But he doesn't feel the same about you?

No one else seems to catch your eye
Because no one else is quite like him,
But you can't seem to get him out of your head and you don't know why.

He's the ungettable get,
And you just haven't figured it out yet.
That he's not the one for you,
And if you stick around for too long,
You'll just end up looking like a fool.
Because maybe he's just not that into you.

You sit and wonder what it is you lack,
Why you're not quite good enough for him
Why this is always the kind of guy you attract.

They're always too busy,
Or just want to be single and free.
Maybe they still have feelings for an ex,
Whatever it is, they all end up being another ungettable get.

You must be some kind of sick masochist,
To continue to put up with this,
But you can't help who you fall for
And hope one day one of them will turn out to be more.

You try not to get upset,
And hope that he's your last ungettable get...

My Falling Star

I hate myself for doing what I said I wouldn't do.
But I can't change the fact that I have fallen for you.
I said I wouldn't get attached,
But it's hard not to do when we make such a good match.

I should have never let it go this far,
You've become my falling star.
You're fading away just as quickly as you appeared,
And now I'm living what I always feared.

That you don't want me,
That this really isn't meant to be.
I know I should walk away,
But I just don't know if I'm ready.

Do I walk away now to save myself some of the pain,
Or do I hang on just a little while longer.
They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,
And that to see a rainbow you have to endure the rain...

Truth be told, my time with you has made me happy,
And even if it's not meant to be,
The pain I will feel once this over and done,
Will be worth it for the moments of happiness,
And my moment in the sun
That you have given me.

I hate myself for doing what I said I wouldn't do,
But I can't change the fact that I have fallen for you.
You're my falling star,
Brilliant, beautiful and quickly fading into the dark,
But strong enough to leave a permanent mark
On my heart.

Confession #3

I have fallen in love with a fictional character.

Before you think I'm crazy or delusional, let me explain...

I am a reader. I love being able to pick up a good book and get drawn into the story, and I love feeling like I am a part of the story, right in the middle of the action. Obviously, being a hopeless romantic, I enjoy reading romance. There has been more than one occasion when I have gotten completely lost in a story and felt as if I was actually falling for the hero of the story. Out of all those "dreamy" characters, two stand out in my mind.

The first is Edward Cullen from The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. Laugh if you must, but if you take the time to read the story, his character is complex and shows an unparalleled devotion to the love of his existence, Bella Swan. It's a bit creepy, and in real life would be an extremely dysfunctional relationship...but looking at the pure love that's between the two characters, and the way Stephenie Meyer writes the story in Bella's perspective, you feel like you could be her, like you are her. You can't help but fall for Edward and see him as the perfect man as seen through Bella's eyes.

Before there was Edward Cullen, the hopeless romantic in me had eyes for only one fictional character...

Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. My love affair with Mr. Darcy started back in my AP Lit class in high school. One of the books on our assigned reading list was Pride and Prejudice. I fell in love instantly. In addition to reading the classic novel, we also watched the BBC mini series, and I absolutely adored Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. The gradual progression of both Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett's love for one another is so fantastic, yet realistic. They both fight their true feelings, but cannot deny them for long. Mr. Darcy does things for Elizabeth and her family because of his pure love for her. I could write so much about how much I enjoy Mr. Darcy's character, but none of those words could accurately sum up how much I loved that character.

I know there are others like me. Others who have fallen for fictional characters. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I can't help but imagine and hope that I will one day find my Edward Cullen or Mr. Darcy. So I know it will end up happening again. And each new "prince charming" I encounter through fiction, will continue to shape the, at times unrealistic, idea of my ideal man.

Confession #2

I am a sucker for love stories.

I just can't seem to get enough of them. Give me a romantic movie, novel, song, or some one's own personal experiences, and I am incandescently happy. A great one can bring me to tears, and a bad one can at least put a smile on my face.

There's something about watching people fall in love and stay in love. It might be my own subconscious wishing it were me, or the romantic in me who just loves seeing two people ridiculously happy and head over heels for each other. Whatever it is, it's like some obsession...I crave a good love story.

Off the top of my head, here are some of my personal favorites:

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

• The novel as well as the BBC adaptation with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy ;-) Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy...words cannot describe how much I love this story. I read the book at least once a year, and will gladly sit in front of the TV for 5 hours to watch the mini series.

Love & Basketball

• I mean really...does it get any better? A love story centered around basketball. That's a perfect match for me. And the heroine, Monica played by Sanaa Lathan is a strong, independent woman. The story between her and Quincy (Omar Epps) is something that I can relate to. Their story feels real.

And yes...The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

• Laugh as much as you want, but it's a fabulous and ridiculous love story. The books may not be the most well written novels, and the first movie was kind of a joke, but the story that inspired all of it is amazing. It's fantastic and unbelievable, but you can't help but wish you could find someone who loved you and who you loved the way Edward and Bella love each other. It's a connection that can't be broken.

Stay tuned for my next confession...and if anyone would like to share their love stories with me, please do!! =)

Hopelessly Yours,

Valentina Reva

Confession #1

I am a hopeless romantic.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love love.

Being a hopeless romantic is amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. I get teased, and asked how on earth I can be a hopeless romantic, after being heartbroken, and embarrassed and hurt beyond belief, but I can't help what feels natural to me. It's the only way I know how to be.

So despite the pain, I always look for the upside, they usually outweigh the downside. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I have faith in the idea that I will meet someone who I am meant to be with...and the journey will have its ups and downs, but once I get to my destination a whole new journey will begin.

A hopeless romantic is stronger than she looks, because do your worse, and she will still remain optimistic because she will always believe in the magic of love.

The Silence

The silence is driving me insane,
And it's giving me the slightest sensation of pain.
Part of me is dying to call you,
But maybe this is how you want it to be.
Your silence is telling me you want to be free.

I never wanted to push you into anything,
You never wanted this to be more than a fling.
But my feelings have grown,
And you must have known.

I know you would never intentionally hurt me,
But to tell you the truth it is clear to see,
The longer I take to leave,
The harder it's going to be.

I envy the woman who puts you under her spell,
She will be the luckiest girl in the world as far as I can tell.

The silence is driving me insane,
It's giving me the slightest sensation of pain.
This has always been my curse,
Only this time, it feels so much worse.

The silence haunts me,
But this is the way it needs to be.
Be careful what you wish for,
Because you never know what's in store.

Please don't pity me,
All I want is for you to be happy.
We were doomed from the start,
So I need to go before you have a chance to completely steal my heart.

I'll be just fine,
All I need is some time.
I'll eventually meet the man who wants to be all mine.
And until then it will be an uphill climb,
But never underestimate the heart of a hopeless romantic.
Because she will always believe in love and magic...

Defeated

It's hard to keep trying,
When reading another word makes me feel like crying.
I thought I was ready,
I thought this was going to be easy.
But now it's kicking my ass,
And I don't know if I can pass.

All my hope was shattered,
And now it feels like nothing even matters.
I'm struggling to pick up all the pieces,
And my frustration only increases.

Part of me wants to just give up now,
I want to think positive, but I just don't know how.
My last bit of hope is still trying to hang on,
But I don't know how much longer until it's gone.

I'm trying to me mature,
I'm going to see how much I can endure.
So send me your positive thoughts
And wish me good luck,
Because right now I simply don't give a ****.

If He Can't See

Never let him call you fat.
Never let him bring you down.
He's the one who will end up looking like a clown,
I can promise you that.

Don't let him take away your smile,
Don't let him change your style.
Your inner beauty shines so bright,
Don't let him take away your light.

Every woman should be treated like the queen she truly is.
Don't allow him to treat you like dirt,
He's not trying to help you, his aim is to hurt.
He wants you to feel insecure,
Because he obviously is.

If he can't see how beautiful you are,
Or how lucky he is to have you,
Then it's time you walked away,
There's no reason good enough for you to stay.

I know it's easier said than done,
But trust me, he is not the one.
You can do so much better,
You're going to find someone who wants you just the way you are.
It's how you feel inside that really matters,
You are nothing short of a brilliant star.

If he can't see how beautiful you are,
Or how lucky he is to have you,
Then it's time you walked away,
There's no reason good enough for you to stay.

Life is Funny...

It's crazy how people from your past can mysteriously show up again...and it seems like when one finds you, more are soon to follow.

It's great reconnecting with people, and it's a wonderful feeling knowing you made enough of an impact on someone that they still remember you and want to know how you are doing or still be a part of your life.

I've recently reconnected with two people who were such big parts of my teenage years, and once I got past the awkward re-introduction stage, it was nice. It's funny how you can talk like the years haven't flown by, like it's been hours since you last spoke, not months or even years. Realistically, I don't know how prominent they will be in my future, but knowing that our friendship/relationship has withstood time, distance, separation and so many other obstacles, and we can now come to a comfortable and common middle ground makes me smile.

I will say it again, everything happens for a reason...and there is a reason for why we have reconnected...hopefully I'll figure out what that reason is soon.

What is Love?

Can anyone really define love?
Is there really any one description that fits like a glove?
What is that feeling you get in your chest?
What makes you want to give your very best?
It can make you do things you never thought you could,
Or even say things you never thought you would.

Love is a tremendous force,
So strong it can make you change course.
Love knows no bounds,
It's what makes the world go 'round.

When you feel it,
It has the power to take your breath away,
And leave you unable to know what to say.
You can feel a small fire inside you being lit.

Some people will spend their entire lives searching,
Others are fortunate enough to find the real thing.

Love has its flaws,
It doesn't follow any set of laws.
It can be blind,
It can be unkind.

But it is so utterly amazing,
That if you're lucky enough to find the real thing,
Your life will never be the same.
That love in your heart will burn like an undying flame.

I'm still looking,
Still waiting...
Hoping that one day my love and I will meet,
And it will sweep me off my feet.

2010

It has been a year since I decided to start this little project of mine. I haven't changed too much over the last year, but I do think I have made some progress.

The picture I had of myself used to be unclear and undefined, but it has become much more clear in the last few months. I'm learning more and more about myself and people and life in general every day.

2009 was a good year for me. I have discovered who my true friends are and how much they truly mean to me. My family is just as amazing as they have always been...they continue to inspire me to be better in so many different ways.

I am extremely excited for what 2010 has in store for me. For those of you who know me, you know that 10 is my favorite number, always has been...so this is going to be a magical year for me. I already have some things lined up for the year, a few different weddings, some trips...it's going to be amazing :) I am also turning 25 this year, a quarter century!!! I'm trying to put something together to celebrate this momentous occasion lol.

I am extremely grateful to be given the opportunity to see another year. I thank God for giving me so much each and every day. I am truly blessed, and I do not plan on taking anything for granted this year. I am going to live life to the fullest...

2010...here we go!!!!