Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Friend Zone

I am the mayor of the friend zone. No, scratch that. I am the President, wait...the QUEEN of the Friend Zone. I have been a resident for most of my life and all of my adult life. Always the friend, never anything more.

I've always been a sporty person, and it used to be a pain. I hated it growing up because I wasn't as girly as everyone else. I would much rather go play outside or play a sport than sit inside and play dress up or dolls with the girls. I was teased for wearing basketball shorts and shirts instead of skirts and dresses. All through high school it was a lot of the same, but it got better. I started to feel comfortable in my own skin...I talked to guys, but was never "that girl." But as stubborn as I am, I couldn't bring myself to change for anyone else, so I stayed true to myself.

Once I got to college I started to appreciate my sporty side more. Most of the guys I met loved that I knew about sports. A lot of them were surprised I knew as much as I did. They would have to double check stats I threw out at them because they didn't believe me and were left with looks of amazement on their faces when they saw I was right. They told me they loved that we could sit and watch a game. I was always known as "one of the guys" and I was perfectly content with was great. I had a great group of friends and life was good, until I fell for one.

I had already gone so deep into the friend zone, that I had no chance of getting out. It has happened to me over and over again. I have tried being that cool girl. The one who's not needy, who his friends like to hang out, but I always end up in the friend zone and stay there. Fortunately, I have made some great friends in the process. I had to go through the pain and heartache first, but ended up with some lasting friendships after.

There are some definite pros and cons to being in the friend zone...and for better or for worse, it has become my home.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Confession #10

I'm a soldier of Love.

Despite the heartbreak and pain...even after I thought I had completely given up on men and love, I'm still here. I'm still fighting to find love, to feel love and to give love.

There have been times where all I wanted to do was give up. Where I lost all faith in love. But like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

"I am love's soldier
I wait for the sound
I know that love will come
I know that love will come
Turn it all around"
-Sade, Soldier of Love

Sunday, March 7, 2010

It's Time To...

It's time to make a change,
Time for this life to get rearranged.
I've been standing still for far too long,
Been making excuses about where I belong.

It's time to run,
Time to find my place in the sun.
It's time to move,
Time to get in the groove.

I'm doing this for me,
It's time for me to become the woman I'm meant to be.
I'm gonna shine,
It's my time.

It's time to move.
I've got everything to lose,
But it's time to reach just a little bit further,
Time to take a chance,
And hope it all works out,
Because that's what life is all about.

It's time to make a change,
Time for this life to get rearranged.
Time to move forward
And stop being a coward.

I might not get it right,
I might fail,
But I'm going to keep up the fight,
And follow this trail.

This is my time.
It's time to move.