Not Meant To Be

I can't stand to see you cry,
But I can't keep living this lie.
I don't love you anymore,
Things just aren't like before.

We've grown apart
And it's time for a fresh start.
I can't look at you the same,
And I'm tired of playing this game.

I don't know when it happened,
When I knew it was the end.
You were always good to me,
But we just aren't meant to be.

I know there's someone out there who will treat you right,
Someone who won't always try and pick a fight.
I know there's someone who will make you happy,
It just can't be me.

I'll never forget about you and me,
But we're just not meant to be.

Are You Happy?

Are you happy?
You finally broke me.

I used to see nothing but love in your eyes.
I used to feel nothing but warmth in your embrace.
Now all I hear are lies.
I can't figure out how we got to this place.

You said you loved me.
You said you would always care.
Now you want to be free,
And all you can do is look at me with a cold, blank stare.

Are you happy?
You finally broke me.

I'm so afraid of being alone,
No more hours spent with you on the phone.
Nothing will ever be the same.
And you are to blame.

Are you happy?
You finally broke me.

I'd be lying if I said I won't think of you.
And I know you're going to think of me too.
I thought we were in it for the long haul,
I hate that I let myself fall.

My friends tell me I just need time,
They tell me it will be an uphill climb,
But I will get over it,
And one day I'll forget.

But right now all I want is you,
and I know that makes me the biggest fool.
But you finally broke me...
Tell me,
Are you happy?

What recession??

As I sat in the nail shop a few days ago, I got to thinking about the hard times we as Americans are currently facing. Why you ask?

It's because as I sat in the spa chair I looked around at the very full shop. During the hour time period I was there, there was a constant stream of women coming in and out of the shop for manicures, pedicures, waxing, etc. By the looks of this place, you never would have thought we were going through a recession.

Yes, I am guilty of it, spending money where it isn't actually necessary. I can certainly paint my own nails and toes, but there's something about getting it done without having to exert any real effort. With the weather warming up, obviously more women are in getting pedicures...it's just wrong to where flip flops or sandals with nasty looking toes!

So it may be the weather, but I think another part of it, is just that simply getting our nails done makes us feel pretty and for a tomboy like me, a little more feminine. Having nicely manicured hands makes us feel good. And through this dark period right now, I think a lot of women are willing to spend the $15-$30 on a mani-pedi to feel a little better about their current situation.

Gravity

There's something that draws me to you.
I can't figure out what it is that you do.
You have some kind of hold on me.
I can't seem to break free.

It's undeniable.
It's incredible.
It's this invisible force.
It's constantly making me change course.
Always bringing me closer to you.
There's nothing I can do.

There's no point in fighting it.
It makes me believe we're a perfect fit
It's your gravity,
It has a hold on me.

It won't let me go.
It only seems to grow.
It's undeniable,
it's incredible.
Always bringing me closer to you,
there's nothing I can do.

The way earth dances with the moon
I have you.
We're doing this slow, teasing dance,
Leaving our fate up to chance.

But something always draws me back to you.
And I know you feel it too.
It's your gravity,
It has a hold on me.

It's undeniable,
it's incredible.
Always bringing me closer to you,
and I know you feel it too...

Writer's Block

As I sit here, I am struggling to get my thoughts out. I tried sitting with my little notebook and just started writing, but nothing made much sense. I have so many ideas swirling through my head, but can't seem to put them on paper.

Random thoughts pop into my head and are gone just as fast as they appeared. Maybe I'm trying to hard. The harder I think about it, the faster my thoughts escape me.

The only other time I experienced writer's block was when I was taking English and writing classes. I had my topic, but it took time for me to get anything down. So now that I have no specific topic to discuss, it's extremely difficult to even know where to start.

So bear with this current post. It will simply be my random thoughts and ideas coming out of me naturally...hopefully some topic with spark my interest and this will end up being a piece of good writing or relevant...doubtful.

Here I go:


My itunes playlist is always on shuffle, which means I listen to a smooth, sensual R & B ballad, then I hear an upbeat Reggaeton track, then maybe some country...I even have some classical Spanish guitar on there...it causes so many different thoughts and emotions to come up. Right now Amerie's "I just died" is on...if you haven't heard the song before, listen to it. It's one of my personal favorites...Music serves as a great inspiration...random little story ideas appear in my mind after listening to music.

I'm even trying to learn how to play the guitar now...it's been a challenge. I can play happy birthday and a few chords of some song my brother taught me. I'm progressing much slower than I'd like...but that's probably my lack of time to dedicate to just playing. The same way I've tried to dedicate some time to writing and reading, I have yet to set aside time for my guitar.

I started working on a story a while back...I put it aside because I started to lose interest in my characters, but lately they have been slowly sneaking back into my thoughts...hopefully one of these days I'll be struck with some kind of inspiration to continue their story.

I guess this blog is exhibit A for why I never seem to finish my thoughts and certain tasks. I get distracted and start something else. I started my story, then decided to take up the guitar, and now I'm slowly going back to the writing. I guess it all comes down to balance...finding a way to do everything with the time I'm given.

New goal: set aside time for all the things I want to get better at. I'm not going to get better by thinking or talking about practicing, but actually doing it...

Tonight I Want to Cry

It's funny how the smallest thing can bring out so many different emotions. It can dig up repressed feelings you had long buried deep inside you, with no plan on ever pulling them out of that tiny box you hid them in.

It's strange how a phone call or message from an old friend, or a story about someone you used to care about and thought you knew can make you choke up. You get to that point where you just want to give up...let the darkness and negativity consume you.

Sometimes you just want to cry.

It's easy to put up the front, wear the happy mask, or as I like to call it, my "happy face" but deep down you are screaming in frustration. Someone you used to see as an ally, as a friend, someone who recently completely tuned you out, suddenly reappears and acts as if months have not passed and they haven't done anything wrong...

Sometimes you just want to cry...

There's nothing wrong with a good cry. Sometimes we just need to let out all those emotions. For me, they are better expressed behind closed doors, with no witnesses. That good cry relieves that building pressure...it releases this weight off of your chest. All the hurt you feel, the pain, the disappointment, the feelings of betrayal, the frustration, they all seem to be washed away with your tears.

Sometimes you just need to cry.

Tonight I want to cry...