My Falling Star

I hate myself for doing what I said I wouldn't do.
But I can't change the fact that I have fallen for you.
I said I wouldn't get attached,
But it's hard not to do when we make such a good match.

I should have never let it go this far,
You've become my falling star.
You're fading away just as quickly as you appeared,
And now I'm living what I always feared.

That you don't want me,
That this really isn't meant to be.
I know I should walk away,
But I just don't know if I'm ready.

Do I walk away now to save myself some of the pain,
Or do I hang on just a little while longer.
They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,
And that to see a rainbow you have to endure the rain...

Truth be told, my time with you has made me happy,
And even if it's not meant to be,
The pain I will feel once this over and done,
Will be worth it for the moments of happiness,
And my moment in the sun
That you have given me.

I hate myself for doing what I said I wouldn't do,
But I can't change the fact that I have fallen for you.
You're my falling star,
Brilliant, beautiful and quickly fading into the dark,
But strong enough to leave a permanent mark
On my heart.

Confession #3

I have fallen in love with a fictional character.

Before you think I'm crazy or delusional, let me explain...

I am a reader. I love being able to pick up a good book and get drawn into the story, and I love feeling like I am a part of the story, right in the middle of the action. Obviously, being a hopeless romantic, I enjoy reading romance. There has been more than one occasion when I have gotten completely lost in a story and felt as if I was actually falling for the hero of the story. Out of all those "dreamy" characters, two stand out in my mind.

The first is Edward Cullen from The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. Laugh if you must, but if you take the time to read the story, his character is complex and shows an unparalleled devotion to the love of his existence, Bella Swan. It's a bit creepy, and in real life would be an extremely dysfunctional relationship...but looking at the pure love that's between the two characters, and the way Stephenie Meyer writes the story in Bella's perspective, you feel like you could be her, like you are her. You can't help but fall for Edward and see him as the perfect man as seen through Bella's eyes.

Before there was Edward Cullen, the hopeless romantic in me had eyes for only one fictional character...

Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. My love affair with Mr. Darcy started back in my AP Lit class in high school. One of the books on our assigned reading list was Pride and Prejudice. I fell in love instantly. In addition to reading the classic novel, we also watched the BBC mini series, and I absolutely adored Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. The gradual progression of both Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett's love for one another is so fantastic, yet realistic. They both fight their true feelings, but cannot deny them for long. Mr. Darcy does things for Elizabeth and her family because of his pure love for her. I could write so much about how much I enjoy Mr. Darcy's character, but none of those words could accurately sum up how much I loved that character.

I know there are others like me. Others who have fallen for fictional characters. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I can't help but imagine and hope that I will one day find my Edward Cullen or Mr. Darcy. So I know it will end up happening again. And each new "prince charming" I encounter through fiction, will continue to shape the, at times unrealistic, idea of my ideal man.

Confession #2

I am a sucker for love stories.

I just can't seem to get enough of them. Give me a romantic movie, novel, song, or some one's own personal experiences, and I am incandescently happy. A great one can bring me to tears, and a bad one can at least put a smile on my face.

There's something about watching people fall in love and stay in love. It might be my own subconscious wishing it were me, or the romantic in me who just loves seeing two people ridiculously happy and head over heels for each other. Whatever it is, it's like some obsession...I crave a good love story.

Off the top of my head, here are some of my personal favorites:

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

• The novel as well as the BBC adaptation with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy ;-) Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy...words cannot describe how much I love this story. I read the book at least once a year, and will gladly sit in front of the TV for 5 hours to watch the mini series.

Love & Basketball

• I mean really...does it get any better? A love story centered around basketball. That's a perfect match for me. And the heroine, Monica played by Sanaa Lathan is a strong, independent woman. The story between her and Quincy (Omar Epps) is something that I can relate to. Their story feels real.

And yes...The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

• Laugh as much as you want, but it's a fabulous and ridiculous love story. The books may not be the most well written novels, and the first movie was kind of a joke, but the story that inspired all of it is amazing. It's fantastic and unbelievable, but you can't help but wish you could find someone who loved you and who you loved the way Edward and Bella love each other. It's a connection that can't be broken.

Stay tuned for my next confession...and if anyone would like to share their love stories with me, please do!! =)

Hopelessly Yours,

Valentina Reva

Confession #1

I am a hopeless romantic.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love love.

Being a hopeless romantic is amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. I get teased, and asked how on earth I can be a hopeless romantic, after being heartbroken, and embarrassed and hurt beyond belief, but I can't help what feels natural to me. It's the only way I know how to be.

So despite the pain, I always look for the upside, they usually outweigh the downside. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I have faith in the idea that I will meet someone who I am meant to be with...and the journey will have its ups and downs, but once I get to my destination a whole new journey will begin.

A hopeless romantic is stronger than she looks, because do your worse, and she will still remain optimistic because she will always believe in the magic of love.

The Silence

The silence is driving me insane,
And it's giving me the slightest sensation of pain.
Part of me is dying to call you,
But maybe this is how you want it to be.
Your silence is telling me you want to be free.

I never wanted to push you into anything,
You never wanted this to be more than a fling.
But my feelings have grown,
And you must have known.

I know you would never intentionally hurt me,
But to tell you the truth it is clear to see,
The longer I take to leave,
The harder it's going to be.

I envy the woman who puts you under her spell,
She will be the luckiest girl in the world as far as I can tell.

The silence is driving me insane,
It's giving me the slightest sensation of pain.
This has always been my curse,
Only this time, it feels so much worse.

The silence haunts me,
But this is the way it needs to be.
Be careful what you wish for,
Because you never know what's in store.

Please don't pity me,
All I want is for you to be happy.
We were doomed from the start,
So I need to go before you have a chance to completely steal my heart.

I'll be just fine,
All I need is some time.
I'll eventually meet the man who wants to be all mine.
And until then it will be an uphill climb,
But never underestimate the heart of a hopeless romantic.
Because she will always believe in love and magic...

Defeated

It's hard to keep trying,
When reading another word makes me feel like crying.
I thought I was ready,
I thought this was going to be easy.
But now it's kicking my ass,
And I don't know if I can pass.

All my hope was shattered,
And now it feels like nothing even matters.
I'm struggling to pick up all the pieces,
And my frustration only increases.

Part of me wants to just give up now,
I want to think positive, but I just don't know how.
My last bit of hope is still trying to hang on,
But I don't know how much longer until it's gone.

I'm trying to me mature,
I'm going to see how much I can endure.
So send me your positive thoughts
And wish me good luck,
Because right now I simply don't give a ****.

If He Can't See

Never let him call you fat.
Never let him bring you down.
He's the one who will end up looking like a clown,
I can promise you that.

Don't let him take away your smile,
Don't let him change your style.
Your inner beauty shines so bright,
Don't let him take away your light.

Every woman should be treated like the queen she truly is.
Don't allow him to treat you like dirt,
He's not trying to help you, his aim is to hurt.
He wants you to feel insecure,
Because he obviously is.

If he can't see how beautiful you are,
Or how lucky he is to have you,
Then it's time you walked away,
There's no reason good enough for you to stay.

I know it's easier said than done,
But trust me, he is not the one.
You can do so much better,
You're going to find someone who wants you just the way you are.
It's how you feel inside that really matters,
You are nothing short of a brilliant star.

If he can't see how beautiful you are,
Or how lucky he is to have you,
Then it's time you walked away,
There's no reason good enough for you to stay.

Life is Funny...

It's crazy how people from your past can mysteriously show up again...and it seems like when one finds you, more are soon to follow.

It's great reconnecting with people, and it's a wonderful feeling knowing you made enough of an impact on someone that they still remember you and want to know how you are doing or still be a part of your life.

I've recently reconnected with two people who were such big parts of my teenage years, and once I got past the awkward re-introduction stage, it was nice. It's funny how you can talk like the years haven't flown by, like it's been hours since you last spoke, not months or even years. Realistically, I don't know how prominent they will be in my future, but knowing that our friendship/relationship has withstood time, distance, separation and so many other obstacles, and we can now come to a comfortable and common middle ground makes me smile.

I will say it again, everything happens for a reason...and there is a reason for why we have reconnected...hopefully I'll figure out what that reason is soon.

What is Love?

Can anyone really define love?
Is there really any one description that fits like a glove?
What is that feeling you get in your chest?
What makes you want to give your very best?
It can make you do things you never thought you could,
Or even say things you never thought you would.

Love is a tremendous force,
So strong it can make you change course.
Love knows no bounds,
It's what makes the world go 'round.

When you feel it,
It has the power to take your breath away,
And leave you unable to know what to say.
You can feel a small fire inside you being lit.

Some people will spend their entire lives searching,
Others are fortunate enough to find the real thing.

Love has its flaws,
It doesn't follow any set of laws.
It can be blind,
It can be unkind.

But it is so utterly amazing,
That if you're lucky enough to find the real thing,
Your life will never be the same.
That love in your heart will burn like an undying flame.

I'm still looking,
Still waiting...
Hoping that one day my love and I will meet,
And it will sweep me off my feet.

2010

It has been a year since I decided to start this little project of mine. I haven't changed too much over the last year, but I do think I have made some progress.

The picture I had of myself used to be unclear and undefined, but it has become much more clear in the last few months. I'm learning more and more about myself and people and life in general every day.

2009 was a good year for me. I have discovered who my true friends are and how much they truly mean to me. My family is just as amazing as they have always been...they continue to inspire me to be better in so many different ways.

I am extremely excited for what 2010 has in store for me. For those of you who know me, you know that 10 is my favorite number, always has been...so this is going to be a magical year for me. I already have some things lined up for the year, a few different weddings, some trips...it's going to be amazing :) I am also turning 25 this year, a quarter century!!! I'm trying to put something together to celebrate this momentous occasion lol.

I am extremely grateful to be given the opportunity to see another year. I thank God for giving me so much each and every day. I am truly blessed, and I do not plan on taking anything for granted this year. I am going to live life to the fullest...

2010...here we go!!!!